Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Brain and Heart disconnection


I was discussing today with a friend that my brain and my heart are disconnected, and I don't think they should be.
I guess that you are thinking - What The?  I'll do my best to explain.



My head knows things, understands things and believes things.  And yet, my heart just doesn't seem to be getting the message, I can't seem to make the connection and it is frustrating me.

Maybe an example will help, I understand that you can't change the past, that holding onto the past doesn't actually achieve anything.  You need to accept your past it has helped to make you who you are today, the good the bad and the ugly, all vital lessons learned.  And yet, my heart still breaks, I still feel guilt, I am filled with would haves, should haves and could haves.
Example 2, I know that I have friends, I have great friends actually (of all the things I didn't get in life it has more than made up for it by the amazing friends I have been blessed with) I know that they love me.  But there are still moments when I feel that they couldn't possibly love me the way I love them, I am too fat, too old, too ugly, too annoying, too whatever negative feeling I am having at the time.  I don't think they are telling me fibs, my head believes them when they say they love me; so why do I not think I am good enough to be their friend? 
My head is not connecting to my heart.  It causes me more distress than is necessary.  Self inflicted pain - what am I sick?  I know that I could achieve a far greater inner happiness if I could just connect my head to my heart.  So how do you make it happen?

They say that a logical person follows their head and an emotional person follows their heart, so what is a person who conflicted by their head and their heart?  I don't follow either.    Or maybe I am just far too emotional and totally illogical.....


Do you have the same problem?  Or have you found a solution?  If so, please share it with me.

4 comments:

  1. No help to you here, as you know. I haven't worked it out yet either.

    It was facinating to talk about it with you though, to see how similar we are in this way.

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  2. How interesting. I must say I've never thought of things like this. I know you have said this before but I didn't quite understand until you put it down like this. I suppose we all do it to some extent. You hear & you know but you just don't feel it. It's hard to explain I guess. I must make a note to ask you more about this soon. Loving you always xoxox

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  3. Practical matters seem to be handled better when one is not swayed by emotions. Being emotional can interfere in the process of decision making where one has to be objective. However, emotions come from a deep part of ourselves and reveal our values and priorities. Much of decision making is centred on fulfilling our emotional needs in a practical way.

    The problem comes when conflicting emotions are involved. At times, we think one way and feel in another way. There is a conflict between our head and our heart. Decision Making as a process helps in resolving this conflict and realign both head and heart.

    There is a story of the blind person and the lame person who were living near a rich man’s farm. They were accused of stealing mangoes from the trees but released because neither could a blind person nor a lame one were capable of stealing because of their handicaps. When the mangoes continued to disappear, the owner hid in the farm to investigate. What transpired there amazed him. The lame person was sitting on top of the blind one and directing him to the mango trees. Their combined height was quite adequate to pick up mangoes from the trees!

    The head and heart independently are like the lame person and the blind one. One person may see all the pros and cons of a situation but doesn’t move because he does not know what he wants. The other person may know what he wants, but does not see the pros and cons and moves blindly. When our head sees what our heart wants, and when our heart trusts the head to give directions, we are able to simultaneously see and move in the right direction. Decision Making is a process by which we consult both head and heart and resolve any possible conflicts amicably.

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  4. Intuition and Decision Making

    Some people are intuitive by nature, being in close touch with their feelings. Being aware of when and why they are emotionally stable or emotionally upset helps them to make better decisions. They are in touch with their priorities, strengths and limitations, and they are able to see events in the larger perspective. Hence they are able to decide without apparently going through the steps of decision making.

    To know how intuitive we are, we need to test by our experiences of decision making. If our “intuitive” decisions give consistently successful results, we are highly gifted. But no matter how intuitive we are, it pays to double check our decisions by the decision making process in order to get better results. Rational decisions are not necessarily opposed to intuitive decisions, but they can make our eyes open to why we choose what we choose. Rational decisions include using intuition as one of the factors of the decision making process.

    People may not go through this process of decision making in the same way. For some, the head leads and heart follows, while for others, it is the reverse. Some experience better results when they think and deliberate, while other experience comfort following their feelings. Some people may also experience conflicting emotions which they resolve by meditation, prayer, and quiet time.

    Intuition happens when our head and heart are totally aligned. When we go by our intuition, we experience no conflicts, and instinctively we seem to know what to do even when we do not know why. Here our thinking and emotions are working together at a deeper level, and we find answers at an unconscious level even when we have no time to consciously take a decision.

    However, it is difficult to distinguish between intuitive thinking and our own wishful thinking. We need to go by our experience to determine our decision making style. What works for one may not work that well for another. Also our decision making style may not be consistently giving us good results. We need to evaluate the results to find out what is right for us. What is important is that there is no conflict arising out of such decisions.

    Even when we go by intuition, it is safer to go through the decision making process consciously, whenever we can, to double check our intuitive decision. Intuition may be right most of the times, but we still can be wrong some of the time. Thus the decision making process helps us to make better decisions in things that matter most in our lives.

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